Farmer Sausage Added to Subway Meat Options


Thousands of Mennonites have petitioned the Canadian government to intervene at Subway restaurants and provide meat options that match their particular palate.

“I’m tired of being discriminated against with a lack of Mennonite options,” said Jack Kehler of Kleinfeld, Saskatchewan. “Everywhere I go it’s chicken this and hamburger that. It’s like they really don’t care about us formavorscht-eating Mennos.”

Kehler says he usually orders a Cold Cut Combo but says this is no longer sufficient.

“Plus with that one I always had to pull the meat from the bread and roll it up and eat it like at faspa,” said Kehler. “It’s not really a proper Mennonite option.”

The petition has also called for the bread options to be expanded from Italian Herbs and Cheese to Mennonite Star Anise and Bothwell Curds.

“I’m not asking them to take away any of the Englisher options,” said Kehler. “I’m just saying that my niche religio-ethnic micro-culture should also be represented on Subway menus.”

Mennonites are also asking the popular sandwich chain to change its name to Buggyway and increase the volume of mustard squirted onto each sub.

Manitoba to be Renamed Mennotoba
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