The Unger Review
  • Sections
    • The Daily Bonnet
    • Headline Contest
    • Unger Conviction
    • Unger Games
    • Unger the Influence
    • Unger Suspicion
    • Unger & Thirst
  • Mennotoba
  • The Daily Bonnet
  • The Best of the Bonnet
  • About The Unger Review
  • Andrew Unger

Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

Steinbach Water Tower to be Filled With Champagne for New Year’s Eve

December 31, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Once the most prominent structure on the Steinbach skyline, in recent years the water tower has been surpassed in prominence by the SCU building, the curling rink, and numerous ever-expanding churches. In an effort to […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Overdoses on Christmas Oranges

December 26, 2016 Andrew

KLEEFELD, MB Local woman Mrs. Helen F. Gerbrandt, 76, of the Kleefeld area was hospitalized yesterday after consuming more than thirty Mandarin oranges in a single sitting. “She’s got way too much Vitamin C in her body,” […]

Unger & Thirst

Massive Amounts of Halva Left Over Yet Again This Year

December 25, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB For some odd reason, the mysterious sandy substance known as halva has become a Mennonite delicacy every Christmas. Yet, like always, Grandma Loewen vastly over-estimated the grandkids’ desire to eat the dry paste. “Juama […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Grandmas Frantically Fill Paper Bags with Peanuts

December 22, 2016 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Grandmothers throughout southern Manitoba have been working in shifts at a local factory to fill tens of thousands of paper bags with peanuts in time for upcoming Christmas gatherings. The paper bags, also […]

Unger & Thirst

New Improved Gnurpel Now ‘Extra Chewy’

December 17, 2016 Andrew

VANDERHOOF, BC For Mennonites who prefer to chew on cartilage rather than eat actual meat, Epp Family Meats’ new improved gnurpel offers an extra chewy experience. “We’ve been breeding our chicken, cattle and pigs to be extra […]

Posts pagination

« 1 … 123 124 125 … 134 »
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Instagram

More from the unger review

  • Aging Mennonites Switch from Dutch Blitz to Skip Bo
    May 1, 2022
  • Mennonite Man Fits Entire Bag of Spitz in His Mouth at Once
    October 3, 2020
  • Mennonite Couple Notices “Chastity” Sign Just 20 Minutes Too Late
    May 13, 2022
  • Cuauhtémoc Selected as 2026 World Cup Host City
    June 30, 2022
  • Report: Shallow Repetitive Worship Songs More Pleasing to the Lord than Hymns
    September 2, 2018

SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

HOME OF

Copyright © 2025 The Unger Review - All Rights Reserved