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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Couple Can’t Figure Out Whether to Go to Winkler or Morden Chicken Chef

May 17, 2017 Andrew

CHORTITZ, MB Local couple Agnes and Peter Thiessen were left in quite the quandary when trying to figure out which Chicken Chef to go to after church this past Sunday. “Normally we go to the […]

Unger & Thirst

Which Mennonite Grandma is the Best Cook?

May 16, 2017 Andrew

Let’s face it, absolutely everybody claims that their own grandma is the best cook in the world. To settle this debate once and for all, The Daily Bonnet has travelled across Canadian Mennonite country sampling […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Prophet Turns Wine Into Water

May 12, 2017 Andrew

KLEEFELD, MB Self-proclaimed miracle worker and sage Peter P. Peters wowed attendees at a Mennonite family gathering this past week by turning all of the wine into water. “I’d never seen anything like it,” said Abram […]

Unger & Thirst

Leamington Man Arrested for Possession of Heinz Ketchup

May 9, 2017 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON Days after a new law came into effect barring the use of Heinz Ketchup, the Leamington police have made their first arrest for possession of something other than French’s. “A middle-aged male was taken into […]

Unger & Thirst

Knackzoat Found in Last Summer’s Jean Shorts “Still Perfectly Edible” Says Local Man

May 5, 2017 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Local man Ernie Toews, 75, considered himself the “luckiest man in Altona” this past Saturday after he slid into a pair of old cut-off jean shorts that he hadn’t worn since last summer […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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