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Unger Conviction

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Pastor Enters Sanctuary Hidden in a Broom Cart

June 28, 2023 Andrew

MOUNTAIN LAKE, MN The rumours are true. Video footage confirms this week that Mountain Lake’s most popular pastor Tyler Schmidt sneaks into the sanctuary each Sunday hidden in a broom cart. “Tyleeeeer! Tyleeeer!” screamed Mountain […]

Unger Conviction

Southern Baptists Aim to Have More Dysfunctional Infighting than the Mennonites by 2024

June 19, 2023 Andrew

AUGUSTA, GA After their recent annual meeting in which they expelled a couple churches for petty reasons, the Southern Baptist Convention is well on its way to being more dysfunctional than the Mennonites by early […]

Unger Conviction

Southern Baptists Expel Rick Warren for Floral-Patterned Shirt and Lack of Necktie

June 18, 2023 Andrew

LAKE FOREST, CA The Southern Baptist Convention voted overwhelmingly this week to expel Rick Warren from the denomination due to his liberal position regarding appropriate pastoral attire. “I’ve never seen that man with a necktie,” […]

Unger Conviction

Pair of Used Communion Cups Sit Uncollected for Three Months

June 10, 2023 Andrew

GRUNTHAL, MB The ushers at East Grunthal Mennonite Church are in the hot seat this week after a pair of communion cups were discovered in the pews a full three months after the last communion. […]

Unger Conviction

Joel Osteen Fans are Literally Wearing Adult Diapers so they Don’t Miss a Second of His Three-Hour Sermons

June 4, 2023 Andrew

HOUSTON, TX Hardcore Osteen-devotees have taken to Instagram to share a tried-and-true solution to make sure they don’t miss even a second of the service at Lakewood Church. Their solution? Adult diapers. “I may get […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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