Massive Usher Shortage Shuts Down Mennonite Church this Summer


A Mennonite church in Yarrow, British Columbia has had to shutter its doors for the summer after they couldn’t find a single person willing to fold the bulletins or take Mrs. Driedger by the arm to her pew.

“This worker shortage is really impacting everyone,” said Pastor Susan. “First the Thiessens wanted to swap Sundays with the Kroekers, but the Kroekers were on a golfing trip, and then the Wienses dropped out to visit the frintschoft in Victoria and the Klippensteins were cross-border shopping that Sunday and … eventually there wasn’t anyone left to ask. ”

The usher shortage has Pastor Susan taking on double and triple duty on Sunday mornings.

“I even had to play the organ one Sunday,” said Pastor Susan, “and, trust me, I do not know how to play the organ …”

Rumours have it that a lot of church workers are having trouble getting back to the grind after so many months on CERB.

“Either that or the weather’s just too nice,” said Pastor Susan. “Well, that’s alright. We’ll see you all in November or something.”

Early reports indicate that most of the ushers will be far too busy curling this winter to come to church.

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