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Unger Conviction

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Church Suspends Man 41 Weeks for Using Playing Cards

October 28, 2023 Andrew

AYLMER, ON Area man David Schmidt, 33, has been suspended from church until well into next summer for doing a card trick for his niece Jessica at a recent family gathering. “Ugh, all I did […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Man Brings Pet Alligator to Church

October 13, 2023 Andrew

LANCASTER, PA Diehard churchgoer David Bender showed up at Fifth Mennonite Church of Lancaster this past Sunday with an unusual guest – his “spiritual support” alligator. “His name is Stanley,” explained Bender. “Named after Mr. […]

Unger Conviction

An Anglican Church is Now the Largest Mennonite Church in Winnipeg

October 12, 2023 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB According to the latest statistics, the largest and fastest growing Mennonite church in Winnipeg is St. Margaret’s Anglican. “While some denominations saw a decline in recent years, we here in the Mennonite church […]

Unger Conviction

How to Choose Your New Colony Name: A Guide for Hutterites

August 18, 2023 Andrew

In most circumstances, Hutterites are a highly self-sufficient bunch, but in recent years it’s become clear that there was one essential resource they were running low on – satire. So, in an effort to build […]

Unger Conviction

Lutheran Pastor Signs 1-Day Contract to Retire as a Mennonite

August 13, 2023 Andrew

FRIEDENSFELD, MB After a 15-year-career where he set nearly every record in the Evangelical Lutheran Church of Canada record book, Pastor David has shockingly decided to sign a 1-day contract to retire as a Mennonite. […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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