Canadians Demand to Have King ‘Burton Cummings’ Added to New Banknotes


In a coronation ceremony held in Moose Jaw this afternoon, legendary moustachioed musician Burton Cummings ascended to the Canadian throne. The move means the new $50 bill will now feature a late 70s photograph of Burton circa “Stand Tall.”

“I really wanted to get on the 20, but Randy Bachman is apparently gunning for that position,” said King Burton. “As long as Jim Kale doesn’t get on there, I think I’ll be happy.”

The coronation of the former Guess Who singer was capped by a 200-person-choral rendition of “American Woman.”

“Plus I hear the money will not longer be polymer,” said King Burton, “and instead be made entirely of 100% authentic Burton Cummings moustache hair.”

Currency collectors are already snatching up all the Burton Cummings 50s they can find although some are waiting for the mint to release the new cryptocurrency called Burtoncoins.

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