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Articles by Andrew

Unger Suspicion

Brave Kangaroo Carries Mennonite Tourists to Safety

July 19, 2017 Andrew

MELBOURNE, AUSTRALIA First time travellers Robert and Martha Loewen of Altona found that they had wandered a little too far into the outback during a recent visit to Australia. Lucky for the Loewens, they found […]

The Daily Bonnet

New Program Seeks to End Promiscuity at Old Folks Home

July 19, 2017 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON Over the past few years, experts have witnessed a dramatic rise in wild and licentious behaviour among our Mennonite seniors. In order to address this problem, which some have blamed on social media, Linda […]

Unger Suspicion

JK Rowling Releases Mennonite Harry Potter Book ‘Without All the Magic’

July 18, 2017 Andrew

LONDON, UK In an effort to make her books more appealing to a wider audience, best-selling author J.K. Rowling is releasing new edited versions of her popular Harry Potter books that removes all the witchcraft […]

The Daily Bonnet

Local Woman Still Shops at Penner Foods

July 17, 2017 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Even though the store was bought out by Sobeys years ago, local woman Susie Wall, 85, remains one of only a handful of Steinbach residents who still insist on doing their grocery shopping at […]

The Daily Bonnet

Lancaster Hospital Opens New Wing to Deal with Dutch Blitz Injuries

July 17, 2017 Andrew

LANCASTER, PA The Central Mennonite Hospital in Lancaster, Pennsylvania is planning to open an $80 million wing dedicated to treating Dutch Blitz injuries. “After thousands of injuries in the past few years, and even a few […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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