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Articles by Andrew

Unger Suspicion

Russian Athletes Forced to Compete as “Athletes Formerly Known as Russians”

February 19, 2018 Andrew

PYEONGCHANG, SOUTH KOREA After a steroid scandal in the last Olympics, athletes from the Russian Federation have been forced to compete under an altered Russian flag that features an unpronounceable symbol. Russian athletes will also […]

The Daily Bonnet

Dishes are Miraculously Washed as Mennonite Man Naps on Sunday Afternoon

February 18, 2018 Andrew

SCHANZENBURG, SK After devouring a delicious meal of schinke fleish and fried potatoes, local man Henry Wiebe, 47, decided to unbutton his pants, kick up his feet, and lie down in the living room while […]

Unger Suspicion

A List of Famous Dicks Who Are Not Mennonite

February 17, 2018 Andrew

You know those people who sit all the way to the end of the credits at a movie? What on earth are they doing? We know there’s no bonus scene at the end of Lady […]

Unger Games

Children Support Literacy By Reading to Hockey Players

February 16, 2018 Andrew

BRANDON, MB February is ‘I Love to Read’ month and that means children across the province will be taking time out of their busy schedules to promote literacy in the hockey playing population. One local […]

Unger Suspicion

Hidden Farmer Sausage Discovered in Obama’s Portrait

February 15, 2018 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC “It’s clearly a secret message for the Russian Mennonite community,” said Elder Janzen of Omaha. “He had formavorscht on the brain.” Janzen is referring to the recent portrait of former President Barack Obama, […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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