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Articles by Andrew

Unger & Thirst

5 Alcoholic Beverages You Can Easily Sneak Past the Elders

March 17, 2018 Andrew

Mennonite elders aren’t usually too keen on drinking, and even though they’ve got no Scripture to back it up, they punish offenders very severely for even the slightest infraction. For example, just last week, Mrs. […]

Unger Suspicion

Area Man Manages to Keep Windshield Clean for a Record Five Minutes

March 17, 2018 Andrew

GIMLI, MB Local man Olaf Einarrson, 47, of Gimli, managed to keep the windshield of his Honda Odyssey relatively clean for almost a full five minutes this morning. Although not officially confirmed, many are saying […]

Unger Suspicion

Judge Sentences Katy Perry to Kiss 100 Random Mennonite Dudes

March 16, 2018 Andrew

HOLLYWOOD, CA After kissing a disinterested young man on American Idol this week, pop star Katy Perry has been sentenced to make out with 100 hairy Mennonite guys in suspenders and dirty rubber boots. “It […]

Unger Conviction

Google Maps Error Leads Rosenort Couple to Southland Mall in Winkler

March 15, 2018 Andrew

WINKLER, MB The Wiebe family of Rosenort were excited to take the trip out to Steinbach to hear Brother Yun speak at a local church, but after entering the location into Google Maps, the family […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonites Buy Naming Rights to New Edmonton Arena

March 14, 2018 Andrew

EDMONTON, AB A group of wealthy Mennonites have honoured their favourite summer treat by purchasing the naming rights to the downtown Edmonton arena. Beginning today, the Oilers’ arena will officially be known as Rogers Golden […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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