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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

You’re So Vain, You Probably Think this Post is About You, Don’t You, Don’t You?

February 26, 2020 Andrew

Oba, nay, so yust because it says Johan Friesen in the article doesn’t mean it’s about you. There are many Johan Friesens. There are twenty-seven in the Schteinback phone book alone, not to mention all […]

Unger Conviction

Emergency Backup Preacher Fills In for Injured Senior Pastor

February 25, 2020 Andrew

LINDEN, AB After Senior Pastor Bob went down with mono just minutes before the start of the 10:30 service, the congregation at South Linden Mennonite was scrambling for a replacement. With the associate pastor pre-occupied […]

Unger Suspicion

Joel Osteen Releases New ‘Red Letter Edition’ of His Latest Book

February 24, 2020 Andrew

GRAND RAPIDS, MI In many Bibles, red letters denote the words of Jesus Christ of Nazareth. Now, however, they’ll be used to denote the words of inexplicably popular Texas preacher Joel Osteen, who has decided to […]

Unger & Thirst

‘Soup and Pie Fundraiser’ Raises Millions and Millions of Dollars

February 23, 2020 Andrew

SOUTH BLUMENORT, MB Literally millions of dollars in dimes and quarters were raised at a soup and pie fundraiser in South Blumenort this past week. The unexpected success all seems to be related to Mrs. […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Receives Most Romantic Birthday Present Ever!

February 22, 2020 Andrew

ALLENTOWN, PA After receiving nothing but kitchen utensils year after year, Mrs. Miller decided she’d hint to her husband that she wanted something a bit more romantic for her 45th birthday this year. “And, boy, […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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