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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

Quarantined Mennonite Man Plays Brommtopp from Balcony to Entertain Neighbours

April 13, 2020 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Altonites were in for quite the treat yesterday as renowned brommtopper Mr. Hamm stood on the 16th floor balcony of the Altona Manor and serenaded his fellow quarantined neighbours with a delightful performance […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Church Holds Potluck Via Zoom

April 12, 2020 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Hungry Mennonites in Winkler, Manitoba gathered around their computers this afternoon and logged into Zoom for the bi-monthly church potluck. “Oba, would you look at what Mrs. Friesen brought!” said Mrs. Doerksen. “Bean […]

Unger & Thirst

Paska Buns Kept Six Feet Apart to Keep Mennonites Safe

April 11, 2020 Andrew

NEUBERGTHAL, MB Mrs. Martens of Neubergthal has spaced out all her paska buns six feet apart this Easter to make sure no one catches any undesirable illnesses. “I got the tape measure and laid them […]

Unger Conviction

Streets are So Empty that Mennonite Man Thinks He Missed the Rapture

April 10, 2020 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Local man Mr. Loewen, 73, went for a Good Friday walk on Main Street Steinbach this afternoon and was suddenly struck with the greatest worry of his life. “Waut de schissjat? There isn’t […]

The Daily Bonnet

Homeschool Sex Ed Lesson Goes Terribly Wrong

April 9, 2020 Andrew

TABER, AB Mrs. Wiens of Taber has been at a loss for how to get through the curriculum this semester. Especially concerning for the young mom of two was the Sex Ed lesson she was […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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