OTTAWA, ON
After a barrage of floor crossing and a couple by-elections this week, Mark Carney and the Conservative Party of Canada have finally formed a majority government.
“Canadians have spoken loud and clear—they want a Conservative government in Ottawa,” said Prime Minister Carney, “and I am committed to giving it to them.”
Carney sits in a long line of Conservative Prime Ministers who support floor crossing.
“I believe as my predecessor Stephen Harper so eloquently stated several years ago,” said Carney, “that the only parties that complain about floor crossing are ones that no one ever crosses over to.”
Carney welcomes anyone to the Conservative Party of Canada and promises to uphold the traditions of the Tories.
“It’s too bad we could never convince Ted Falk to join us, but that’s okay,” said Carney. “We’ll go full steam ahead with our conservative agenda with or without him.”
Meanwhile, opposition leader Pierre Poilievre is trying to lure an MP or two away from Carney to his own party.
“My goal is win a few folks back from Carney,” said Poilievre. “That way the socialist NDP once again hold the balance of power. Huzzah!”
In other news, satirist Andrew Unger is predicting that several angry people who didn’t read this entire article will comment on social media about how Mark Carney is the furthest thing from a Conservative and he’s actually more like a Communist and Canada is now doomed.
(photo credit: Bank of England/CC)