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Articles by Andrew

Unger Suspicion

Canadian Gun Enthusiasts Relieved that Covid-19s Were Left Off Trudeau’s List

May 2, 2020 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON There was one noticeable item missing from Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau’s list of more than 1500 banned weapons, that being the highly dangerous Covid-19. “Darn it all. I told Freeland to check […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonites Eager for Thrift Stores to Reopen

May 1, 2020 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Mrs. Froese is beside herself waiting for her local MCC store to reopen in the next little while. During the time it was closed, Mrs. Froese had no place to donate all her […]

The Daily Bonnet

Dolphins Return to Southern Manitoba for First Time in Centuries

April 30, 2020 Andrew

MORRIS, MB A pod of playful dolphins was spotted in the Red River near Morris this week, the first time they’ve visited the area since Mennonite settlers arrived in the 1870s. “They’re cropping up everywhere,” […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Gives Husband Stunning New Haircut

April 29, 2020 Andrew

MITCHELL, MB Not wanting to wait until the barber shop opens back up, local man Bill Fehr, 73, was so desperate for a haircut that he got his wife Lois to do it. The results […]

Unger & Thirst

Liquor Stores See Huge Surge in Mennonite Customers

April 27, 2020 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Now that it’s become de rigueur to wear face masks or lower-than-normal düaks all over the place, Mennonites have been venturing into establishments they never would have even considered back when they might […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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