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Articles by Andrew

Unger Suspicion

Local Man Signals His Own Virtue By Calling Out Virtue Signalling

June 11, 2020 Andrew

TORONTO, ON Area man Alex Schmidt, 42, was so sick and tired of “virtue-signalling liberals” on social media that he decided to openly pronounce his own virtuousness by calling them out. “I’m sick and tired […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Co-Workers Caught Having Meddachschlop in the Photocopy Room

June 10, 2020 Andrew

MORDEN, MB The rumours about that Thiessen boy and that Klassen girl were confirmed to be true this week after Mrs. Wiebe unlocked the photocopy room and found the two of them having a nice […]

Unger Suspicion

Local Man Solves All the World’s Problems with a Single Tweet

June 9, 2020 Andrew

CHILLIWACK, BC In a heroic act of self-sacrifice and solidarity with marginalized people, local man Mr. Toews, 31, took a break from playing Call of Duty: Black Ops 4 to tweet out the following message to his […]

The Daily Bonnet

World’s Most Creative Mennonite Paints Entire House Builder’s Beige

June 8, 2020 Andrew

WATERLOO, ON There’s been a revolution in Mennonite interior design as of late with home owners opting for such vibrant colours as off-white, eggshell and, exclusively for the bold rebel Mennonite type, builder’s beige. “Oba, […]

Unger & Thirst

Mrs. Janzen’s Day Old Buns a Big Hit with Frugal Mennonites

June 7, 2020 Andrew

FRESNO, CA Mennonites across the region have been clamouring to get their hands on Mrs. Janzen’s day old buns, which she offers for a significantly discounted price. “Every loves Mrs. Janzen’s buns,” said Mr. Fehr. […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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