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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonites Still Waiting for the Rest of the Story from Paul Harvey

June 6, 2020 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Mennonites across southern Manitoba are unsure what they’re supposed to make of everything that’s been happening lately and are just waiting for Paul Harvey to explain it all to them in the words […]

The Daily Bonnet

Grandkids Horrified as Grandma Reimer Texts “I’m Mennonite AF”

June 5, 2020 Andrew

CUAUHTEMOC, MEXICO Mrs. Reimer, 68, of Manitoba Colony was very excited to try out the new iPhone she just got and was immediately impressed by how easy it was to use. “You don’t even have […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Blows Entire Co-op Dividend Cheque on Chicken Chef Feast

June 4, 2020 Andrew

MORDEN, MB It seems that his Co-op dividend cheque was burning a whole in his pocket, because just as soon as he could, local man Mr. Thiessen had blown the whole thing on the biggest […]

Unger Conviction

Pourer Gets Dunked Just to Make Sure

June 1, 2020 Andrew

HILLSBORO, KS Local man Mr. Klassen has lived his whole life with deep-seated fears that his pouring baptism at the age of 19 just wasn’t good enough. “So, I’ve finally decided to get dunked,” said […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Brings Inferior Zoat to Bonfire

May 31, 2020 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Local man Richard Dyck, 57, is facing a slew of criticism this week after bringing something other than Ronnie’s knackzoat to a local bonfire. “I don’t know what came over that man. If […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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