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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

Gambler Wins Big By Betting on Mennonite UFC Fighter

September 2, 2020 Andrew

INDIANAPOLIS, IN Centuries of pent-up aggression have been released in UFC rings this season as the Yoders and other Mennonites seem to be totally dominating their opponents. “I know it seems counter-intuitive, but I’ve won […]

The Daily Bonnet

Winkler Family Plans Exotic Vacation in Morden this Summer

September 1, 2020 Andrew

MORDEN, MB Since international travel remains a no-go this year, Winkler family, the Schroeders, have decided to go someplace they’ve never been to before, that being the neighbouring community of Morden. “We’ve been to Playa […]

The Daily Bonnet

Friesens Brings In Extra Friesens to Print that Daily Bonnet Guy’s New Novel

August 31, 2020 Andrew

ALTONA, MB The demand for Andrew Unger’s new novel Once Removed is so high that Friesens of Altona has got local Friesens working overtime to print copies of the book. “We put out an All Friesen bulletin,” said […]

Unger & Thirst

“Immodest” Mennonite Woman Leaves Her Zwieback Out for All to See

August 30, 2020 Andrew

OSTERWICK, MB Residents of Osterwick were in shock this afternoon after a fresh and delectable zwieback baked by Mrs. Loewen was left out on the table in the church basement all afternoon. “It’s simply not […]

Unger & Thirst

Chihuahua Faspa Cancelled After Oma Runs Out of Queso Menonita

August 29, 2020 Andrew

MANITOBA COLONY, CHIHUAHUA, MEXICO The Falks of Manitoba Colony had to make a last minute cancellation of fapsa this week after Oma Falk completely forgot to buy more queso Menonita. “As much as we love […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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