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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

World’s Most Creative Mennonite Paints Entire House Builder’s Beige

June 8, 2020 Andrew

WATERLOO, ON There’s been a revolution in Mennonite interior design as of late with home owners opting for such vibrant colours as off-white, eggshell and, exclusively for the bold rebel Mennonite type, builder’s beige. “Oba, […]

Unger & Thirst

Mrs. Janzen’s Day Old Buns a Big Hit with Frugal Mennonites

June 7, 2020 Andrew

FRESNO, CA Mennonites across the region have been clamouring to get their hands on Mrs. Janzen’s day old buns, which she offers for a significantly discounted price. “Every loves Mrs. Janzen’s buns,” said Mr. Fehr. […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonites Still Waiting for the Rest of the Story from Paul Harvey

June 6, 2020 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Mennonites across southern Manitoba are unsure what they’re supposed to make of everything that’s been happening lately and are just waiting for Paul Harvey to explain it all to them in the words […]

The Daily Bonnet

Grandkids Horrified as Grandma Reimer Texts “I’m Mennonite AF”

June 5, 2020 Andrew

CUAUHTEMOC, MEXICO Mrs. Reimer, 68, of Manitoba Colony was very excited to try out the new iPhone she just got and was immediately impressed by how easy it was to use. “You don’t even have […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Blows Entire Co-op Dividend Cheque on Chicken Chef Feast

June 4, 2020 Andrew

MORDEN, MB It seems that his Co-op dividend cheque was burning a whole in his pocket, because just as soon as he could, local man Mr. Thiessen had blown the whole thing on the biggest […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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