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Articles by Andrew

Unger Suspicion

Local Reeve to be Vaccinated Against Wacko Conspiracy Theories

December 11, 2020 Andrew

SCHRATJLIJCH, MB An area reeve will be first in line to receive the new vaccine that protects individuals from wacko conspiracy theories and believing whatever they read on the Internet. “The vaccine takes two doses […]

Unger Suspicion

Mennonite Man Confesses to Voting Democrat

December 10, 2020 Andrew

GOSHEN, IN Local man and former church deacon Mr. Yoder was forced to go up in front of his congregation this week and apologize after it was discovered he had voted Democrat in two of […]

Unger Conviction

Local Church Becomes 7-Eleven Franchise So it Can Reopen as an Essential Service

December 9, 2020 Andrew

SASKATOON, SK The EGCMB Church of Saskatoon has installed five Slurpee machines and a place to rotate the wieners so that they can reopen as an essential business this Sunday. “Come for the gospel, stay […]

The Daily Bonnet

Winkler Man Caught Walking Around Morden in a Speedo

December 8, 2020 Andrew

MORDEN, MB Emboldened by Morden’s reputation for liberalism, Winkler man Peter Schellenberg, 63, jogged down Stephen Street this afternoon wearing nothing but a Speedo and a smile. “Waut de schissjat is that yet?” said Mr. […]

The Daily Bonnet

B.M. Friesen and Sons Electrical to Rebrand

December 7, 2020 Andrew

ROSENORT, MB Since the early days of the rural electrification program in Manitoba, B.M. Friesen and Sons has been a household name in the Scratching River settlement. Now, however, the company has decided to rebrand. […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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