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Articles by Andrew

Unger & Thirst

New Study: Farmer Sausage Contains Only “Trace Amounts” of Actual Farmers

March 10, 2021 Andrew

FURTWANGLER, MB A new farmer sausage study from the University of Tubular Meat in Plum Coulee, Manitoba suggests that the vast majority of farmer sausage is actually completely farmerless. “I’m not sure what they’re putting […]

The Daily Bonnet

New TikTok Account Features Videos of Mennonite Woman Resisting the Urge to Dance

March 9, 2021 Andrew

ALTONA, MB It’s the hottest TikTok account in Altona and it features videos of a Mennonite woman just sitting there perfectly still for ten to fifteen seconds. “Wow, did you see that crazy video of […]

Unger & Thirst

Romantic Gesture Turns into Quite the Quandary for Mennonite Woman

March 8, 2021 Andrew

SWIFT CURRENT, SK All Mr. Wiens was trying to do was bring a little romance into the relationship by purchasing a package of Love Hearts for his wife Doris. “Little did I know they contained […]

Unger Suspicion

Mennonite Man Finally Escapes Snow Maze After Spring Melt

March 7, 2021 Andrew

ST. ADOLPHE, MB Art Broesky, 58, of Niverville decided to visit “that big snow maze they’ve got up there in St. Adolphe” as soon as it opened this winter. Well, after six weeks trying to […]

Unger & Thirst

Mexican Mennonite Woman Invites Friends Over for the Wrong Kind of Disco

March 6, 2021 Andrew

MANITOBA COLONY, MEXICO Mrs. Epp invited her friends over after church this week for what she thought would be a socially-distanced grilling of meat on a giant wok made from an old plow disc, but […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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