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yerba mate

Unger & Thirst

Argentina Runs Out of Yerba Mate Moments After World Cup Victory

December 18, 2022 Andrew

LA PAMPA COLONY, ARGENTINA After consuming more than 100 million kilos of yerba mate in just 90 minutes, the supply of green leafy tea in the World Cup champion nation of Argentina, is now completely […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Caught Distributing Yerba Mate on Halloween

November 1, 2022 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Children across Altona were coming home with handfuls of yerba mate last night after Mrs. Kroeker ran out of Halloween candy and decided to make do with what she had around the house. […]

Unger & Thirst

7-11 Introduces New ‘Mennonite Slurpee’

August 16, 2022 Andrew

ROSENGART, MB The yerba mate will be flowing like frozen Papsi this summer, as more than a dozen 7-11 stores in the Pembina Valley darpa will be offering a new product known as the ‘Mennonite […]

Unger Suspicion

FBI Discovers Massive Stash of Yerba Tea at Trump Estate

August 9, 2022 Andrew

MAR-A-LAGO, FL According to sources, former President Donald Trump has been growing over 1000 acres worth of yerba mate at his Florida estate. The illicit stash of Paraguayan tea leaves is believed to have been […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Pitcher Throws No-Hitter While High on Yerba Mate

May 27, 2021 Andrew

MONTREAL, QC It was fifty years ago today that Pieta Ens, rookie phenom for the Montreal Axpos, threw a complete game no-hitter while high on what many believe was yerba mate. “His demeanor was erratic, […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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