FRESNO, CA Guillermo Toews, a soccer player from Paraguay, got FIFA’s first ever red card for yawning this week after appearing visibly bored during his match against Turkey. “Hey, if the fans are bored that’s […]
BOSTON, MA Soccer experts are attributing Paraguay’s shocking victory over Germany last night to the prayers of 100,000 Mennonites in the Chaco. “I can’t think of any other way this could have happened,” said soccer […]
LOS ANGELES, CA Every single Mennonite on the planet will be cheering on Paraguay as they face off against the Americans in the World Cup opener this Friday evening. “They’ll be cheering in Spanish. They’ll […]
STRATFORD, ON Another year has come and gone and once again legendary Paraguayan harpist Eduard Klassen has been left off the list for induction into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. “It’s outrageous,” said […]
OTTAWA, ON Conservative MP Lindsey Rude says she’s sick and tired of all the environmentally-friendly yerba mate gourds she sees around town. “The gourds are bad enough,” said Rude, “but they’ve even got those woke […]
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