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paraguay

Unger Games

Paraguay Defeats Germany Thanks to the Prayers of 100,000 Mennonites

June 30, 2026 Andrew

BOSTON, MA Soccer experts are attributing Paraguay’s shocking victory over Germany last night to the prayers of 100,000 Mennonites in the Chaco. “I can’t think of any other way this could have happened,” said soccer […]

Unger Games

Every Self-Respecting Mennonite Cheering for Paraguay in World Cup Opener Friday

June 11, 2026 Andrew

LOS ANGELES, CA Every single Mennonite on the planet will be cheering on Paraguay as they face off against the Americans in the World Cup opener this Friday evening. “They’ll be cheering in Spanish. They’ll […]

The Daily Bonnet

Fans Petition Rock and Roll Hall of Fame to Induct Paraguayan Harpist Eduard Klassen

April 18, 2026 Andrew

STRATFORD, ON Another year has come and gone and once again legendary Paraguayan harpist Eduard Klassen has been left off the list for induction into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. “It’s outrageous,” said […]

Unger the Influence

Angry MP Calls Yerba Mate Gourds ‘Woke’

May 9, 2024 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Conservative MP Lindsey Rude says she’s sick and tired of all the environmentally-friendly yerba mate gourds she sees around town. “The gourds are bad enough,” said Rude, “but they’ve even got those woke […]

Unger Games

Toews Plays Final Game for Chicago

April 15, 2023 Andrew

CHICAGO, IL There was a standing ovation in Chicago this week after former Canadian cabinet minister Vic Toews played his final game for the local NHL squad. “He didn’t score a lot of points in […]

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