Angry White Man Reports on All the Horrible Atrocities Facing Angry White Men These Days


Without a touch of irony, local oil executive ‘Brommsch’ Klassen, 37, has been posting memes and poorly sourced articles about how bad things are for him and his buddies, all the while telling any other person who might have a legitimate reason to be upset to “just get over it already.”

“I’m sick of all these people complaining about atrocities of the past,” said Klassen from the 42nd floor of his downtown Calgary office building. “What people ought to be concerned about is all the terrible things happening right now, such as, umm, Trudeau, and umm, masks, oh yeah, masks, and ummm, oil prices…oh, wait, those are pretty good right now…ummm, but, yeah, cancel culture! How about that!”

While normally a prolific social media poster, Klassen has been noticeably quiet about any matters that don’t directly concern him and his bottom line.

“I cleared $400 K last year,” said Klassen. “I’ll be lucky if I reach 350 this year. I mean, how am I going to pay for my Bentley?”

Among Klassen’s grievances are how poorly the Flames did the year, the fact that his children have been slightly misbehaving lately, and that his wife’s been wearing a blouse that he finds less than attractive.

“It’s getting really bad,” said Klassen. “I’m going right to the top with my complaints!”

Premier Jason Kenney announced he was “very concerned” about the plight facing angry white men and is reportedly taking this more seriously than any other human rights issue in the province.

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