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Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Introduces Japanese A5 Wagyu Jreewe

August 30, 2026 Andrew

REINLAND, MB Area man David Kehler, 51, renowned as something of a gourmand in the Reinland area, has just introduced new premium crackles. “We’re taking leftover bits of fatting meat stuck to the pan to […]

Unger Suspicion

Area Man to Play Just One More Game of Tetris

August 5, 2021 Andrew

OMAHA, NE Local man Earl Bergmann, 47, of Omaha has been playing “just one more game of Tetris” since he got that Nintendo Entertainment System during Christmas 1989. “Just one more game, Mom, just one […]

Unger Suspicion

Mennonite Woman Challenges Marie Kondo to Cleaning Competition

February 17, 2019 Andrew

TOKYO, JAPAN Mrs. Toews, a Holdeman Mennonite from Newton, Kansas believes that Marie Kondo is no match for her cleaning and organizing skills, and has challenged the Japanese cleaning guru to a “good old fashioned […]

Unger & Thirst

Introducing the All New 2019 Toyota Platz

December 17, 2018 Andrew

NAGOYA, JAPAN Toyota has just announced the return of their popular Platz model. Originally only available in Japan in the early 2000s, Toyota has responded to the demands of North American Mennonites and unveiled an […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Embarks on New Career After a Weekend of Gorging on Oma’s Cooking

April 2, 2018 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON Local man Billy Fehr has decided to quit his job at the Leamington ketchup factory to pursue his lifelong dream of becoming a professional sumo wrestler. Fehr said he made his decision after […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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