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Month: March 2023

Unger Suspicion

Oscar Red Carpet Replaced with Mennonite Quilt

March 16, 2023 Andrew

HOLLYWOOD, CA Things were a little different at the 95th annual Academy Awards this year, as the signature red carpet was replaced with a massive Mennonite quilt made by the quilting bee ladies at the […]

The Daily Bonnet

Winnipeg Wonders: How Many Mennonites Does it Take to Change a Purple Lightbulb?

March 15, 2023 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB After thousands of LED streetlights have appeared rather lavender in recent months, many locals are wondering just how many Mennonites it takes to change a purple lightbulb. “We’ve had to completely rethink the […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonites Shocked as Oscar Announcer Pronounces ‘Toews’ Correctly

March 14, 2023 Andrew

HOLLYWOOD, CA The most shocking moment in Sunday’s Oscar broadcast was not a slap or an errant envelope, but the fact that the Oscar folks pronounced ‘Toews’ correctly. “Oh, great, here it comes. He’s going […]

Unger & Thirst

Delicious Rhubarb Platz Found in Sarah Polley’s Oscar Gift Bag

March 13, 2023 Andrew

HOLLYWOOD, CA Although no one is quite sure how it got in there, cast and crew of the Oscar winning film Women Talking found a delicious tray of platz in each of their Oscar gift bags […]

The Daily Bonnet

Entire City of Steinbach Stymied by Globe and Mail Paywall

March 12, 2023 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Moments after learning the city had made national news yet again, thousands of Steinbachers clamoured to find out what was said about them. “Ugh. Paywall. Typical,” said Mrs. Plett, who was attempting to […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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