Gambler Wins Big By Betting on Mennonite UFC Fighter


Centuries of pent-up aggression have been released in UFC rings this season as the Yoders and other Mennonites seem to be totally dominating their opponents.

“I know it seems counter-intuitive, but I’ve won $606 betting on Mennonites already this season,” said UFC expert Mr. Funk. “Never bet against someone carrying the weight of nearly five-hundred years of non-resistant pacifism.”

Funk says he always bets for a Yoder or Doerksen whenever he sees their name on the card.

“I’d even bet for a Plett if they ever entered the ring,” said Mr. Funk. “Especially if they came from Landmark. Feisty people those Pletts.”

Betting in favour of Mennonites in any fighting competition is always a good idea, said Mr. Funk.

“Wrestling, boxing, UFC. Mark my words, the Mennonites always come out on top,” said Mr. Funk. “Just don’t ask us to pick up a weapon.”

The success of Mennonite martial artists has led some local pastor’s to modify their theology ever so slightly.

“Sure, we’re supposed to ‘turn the other cheek’,” said Pastor Ron, “but that doesn’t mean we can’t land a fierce round kick to the jaw or counter with a double-leg takedown.”

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