New Evidence Suggests Second Amendment Was All Just Satire


Historians at a prominent American university have uncovered evidence that may radically alter our perception of the supposed “right to keep and bear arms.” According to recently uncovered documents, the entire Second Amendment was meant as satire.

“I’m certain that future generations will see the Second Amendment for the brilliant joke that it is,” said an overly confident Thomas Jefferson in his recently uncovered diary. “It’s rather amusing, I must say, and so obviously satirical that I cannot fathom any scenario whereby future generations will judge it beneficial to the welfare of the nation for general members of the public to possess whatever weapons they see fit. I mean, that would be friggin’ nuts.”

Apparently, the Founding Fathers threw the Second Amendment in there to add some levity to what otherwise was an overly serious document.

“Evidently, Jefferson had been reading a lot of the great Irish satirist Jonathan Swift in those days,” said Professor Smythe. “I think it’s safe to say that the Second Amendment is the greatest piece of satire in the history of American literature.”

According to the professor, Americans often struggle to detect satire and sometimes take seriously things that are clearly meant to be a joke.

“I can’t believe no one noticed this before. Think about it. You’re just going to indiscriminately let random dudes across the country own high-powered implements of death?” said Smythe. “That’s so far from reasonable and sensible, that it should be obvious it’s satire.”

In response to the news, the NRA announced it was going to shut down its political lobby and instead dedicate itself to roaming the country performing its unique brand of sketch comedy.

(photo credit: POP/CC)

Canadians Heartbroken After American Crokinole Squad Defeats Team Canada in Shootout
How Many of These Common Mennonite Foods Have You Tried?