Mennonite Man Learns German Just So He Can Keep Up With the News


Area man David Siemens was sick and tired of not having a hot clue what everyone was talking about in the coffee shop and has decided it’s finally time to learn German.

“Then I’ll finally be able to read Die Mennonitische Post,” explained Siemens. “My first lesson, of course, will be how to pronounce the word Mennonitsche. I always get all tongue-tied with that one.”

Die Mennonitische Post is the last bastion of reliable news for Mennonites–the only catch is it’s 100% in German.

“Oh well. Those English-speaking Mennos are a lost cause anyway,” said Siemens. “I hear they get all their news from that Andrew Unger fellow.”

Not wanting to lose potential readers to Die Mennonitische Post, Andrew Unger plans to translate upcoming issues of The Unger Review into German.

“No one should be missing out on fake news about Mennonites,” said Unger. “German issues of Die Unger Renzension will be available for an einzelpreis of $3.00 just as soon as I can figure out what an ‘einzelpreis’ is.

Congress Hire Mennonites to Shun George Santos
Smoke Detector Battery Conveniently Programmed to Expire and Chirp Loudly at 2 in the Morning