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winter

The Daily Bonnet

Manitoba Man Missing Wide Range of Body Parts After Spending Frigid Winter Night Staring at the Moon

January 20, 2019 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Local man David Peters froze into a solid block of ice this evening as he stood outside in -30 degree temperatures trying to look at the lunar eclipse. Local doctors managed to thaw […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Family Forced to Wear Their Parkas Indoors So Dad Can Save on the Hydro Bill

December 5, 2018 Andrew

WINKLER, MB The Doerksen family of Winkler have been wearing their long underwear a lot this winter, thanks to Mr. Doerksen’s insistence that “no one better touch that darn thermostat!” “They keep raising the hydro […]

Unger Suspicion

Canadian Woman Turns to Pillar of Salt After Failing to Apply Adequate Levels of Moisturizer

November 23, 2018 Andrew

KITCHENER, ON Emergency crews were called to a scene in Kitchener today where Alice Goossen, 43, was discovered to have completely dried out and turned into a pillar of salt after failing to apply adequate […]

Unger Suspicion

Manitoba Man Arrested for Complaining About the Heat

August 18, 2018 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Local man Herman Toews never thought his casual comment about the weather would land him in jail, but he found out on Wednesday that complaining about the heat in a city known for […]

Unger Suspicion

Manitoba Hockey Fan Emerges from House for the First Time in Many Months

May 21, 2018 Andrew

NIVERVILLE, MB Local hockey fan Peter Klassen, 48, left his house for very first time in months, after the Winnipeg Jets lost to the Vegas Golden Nights on Sunday afternoon. “Ach, the light, the bright […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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