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winter

The Daily Bonnet

Breaking News! Abbotsford Woman’s Daisies Are Already Blooming

February 7, 2019 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC Local woman Mrs. Kehler has been rubbing it in to all her Manitoba friends this week after her daisies sprung up a few days ago. “Check it out, suckers! You’ve still got ten […]

The Daily Bonnet

Brilliant Man Disproves Global Warming By Pointing Out the Weather

February 6, 2019 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB All this winter, local man Dick Froese has been pointing to the severe frostbite on his ears as “definitive proof” that global warming is a “total crock.” “Look, I’m freezing my arse off […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Gets Out the Booster Cables After Horse Doesn’t Start

January 31, 2019 Andrew

VITA, MB After a bitter cold night with temperatures well below zero, Mr. Dueck’s entire team of horses just wouldn’t start in the morning. “Usually Martha reminds me to plug them in, but I guess […]

The Daily Bonnet

Entire Province of Manitoba ‘Moving to BC’

January 30, 2019 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB After a near record-setting cold snap, the entire province of Manitoba has decided to pack their bags and move in with the Doerksens of Abbotsford. “The Trans-Canada Highway going west is jam-packed,” said […]

Unger Suspicion

Winnipeg Couple Plans ‘Nice, Warm, Tropical Vacation’ on Mars

January 28, 2019 Andrew

MARS After temperatures in Winnipeg drop below -30 degrees, local couple, Lois and Peter Doerksen, decided they “had enough of the cold” and are packing their bags and heading for the “balmy weather of Mars.” […]

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