Manitoba Man Missing Wide Range of Body Parts After Spending Frigid Winter Night Staring at the Moon


Local man David Peters froze into a solid block of ice this evening as he stood outside in -30 degree temperatures trying to look at the lunar eclipse. Local doctors managed to thaw him out, but physicians are warning others to avoid David’s fate.

“It’s a moon. It’s black. Big deal,” said Dr. Penner. “You don’t want your body parts freezing off. Some of them are a little difficult to stitch back on, if you catch my drift.”

Dr. Penner says people should wait until there’s an eclipse in July or something, as January eclipses are just too dangerous.

“Grandma Friesen’s scarf is just not going to cut it,” said Dr. Penner. “I know some people are doubling up on the long-johns, but even that won’t last for more than a few minutes in middle of the night in Manitoba.”

Manitoba’s hearty moon-watchers, however, were unconcerned by the warnings.

“My strategy is to just go for ten second spurts before running back inside and warming up with hot coffee with a healthy dose of Baileys Irish Cream,” said moon enthusiast Danny. “I’ve gone in and out a few times already and so far all my body parts are intact. Thanks, Baileys!”

Although Danny appears to be okay, he admits that he has not yet conducted a thorough inspection.

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