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Unger the Influence

“Nah, we’re good”: Winnipeg Excluded from Plan to Make Canada the 51st US State

December 4, 2024 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB A committee of 12 American delegates have arrived in Canada this week in hopes of adding a significant amount of territory to the American empire. “Everything was going okay until we arrived in […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Can Finally Start Her Christmas Shopping Now That It’s Snowed

November 20, 2024 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB This is the latest start to Christmas shopping ever for area woman Jessica Fehr. But there was just enough snow this week that Fehr was able to commence the journey. “Dietja,” said Fehr. […]

The Daily Bonnet

Hottest Ever September in Small Mennonite Town of Schanzenhimmelsgruenfeldthalberg

October 5, 2024 Andrew

Schanzenhimmelsgruenfeldthalberg, MB The weather station in Schanzenhimmelsgruenfeldthalberg recorded the hottest September it the long and illustrious climate history of Schanzenhimmelsgruenfeldthalberg. “We haven’t seen anything like this since our ancestors first moved to Schanzenhimmelsgruenfeldthalberg almost 150 […]

The Daily Bonnet

Steinbach Man Opens ‘Noah’s Ark Encounter’ in His Basement

September 17, 2024 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Area man Pete Brandt has made the best of his basement flooding situation, by tossing a couple plastic giraffes down there and charging admission. “Yeah, so now that the basement living room is […]

Unger Suspicion

Winnipeg Couple Divorce After Conflict Over Air Conditioner Temperature

July 22, 2024 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Eight years of wedded bliss is all over for the Epps of North Kildonan this week, after an apparent marriage-ending fight over the AC temperature. “She wanted it at 23, while I prefer […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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