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The Daily Bonnet

Manitoba Man Missing Wide Range of Body Parts After Spending Frigid Winter Night Staring at the Moon

January 20, 2019 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Local man David Peters froze into a solid block of ice this evening as he stood outside in -30 degree temperatures trying to look at the lunar eclipse. Local doctors managed to thaw […]

The Daily Bonnet

La Crete, Alberta Declared “Mennonite Capital of the North”

December 27, 2018 Andrew

LA CRETE, AB The small town of La Crete, Alberta has been officially declared the northern most Mennonite town in the world and thus becomes the capital city for all Mennonite towns north of the […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mexican Mennonite Purchases Snowmobile, Prays for White Christmas

December 15, 2018 Andrew

CUAUHTEMOC, MEXICO After his cousins Pieta and Johan extolled the virtues of a snowy white Christmas, Guillermo Krahn of Cuauhtemoc decided to purchase a snowmobile and have it shipped down to Mexico in anticipation of […]

Unger Suspicion

Canadian Woman Turns to Pillar of Salt After Failing to Apply Adequate Levels of Moisturizer

November 23, 2018 Andrew

KITCHENER, ON Emergency crews were called to a scene in Kitchener today where Alice Goossen, 43, was discovered to have completely dried out and turned into a pillar of salt after failing to apply adequate […]

Unger Suspicion

Portage and Main to be Accessed Exclusively by Blizzards and Ice Storms

September 26, 2018 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB The votes are in and Winnipeg has decided overwhelmingly to restrict access to its most famous intersection to anything other than fierce winds, massive blizzards, devastating ice storms and maybe a tornado or […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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