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water

Unger Suspicion

Water Softener Salt Sits at Door for Months

April 8, 2019 Andrew

MITCHELL, MB Three bags of water softening salt have been sitting at the front door of the Unrau residence in Mitchell for the past three months. The bags were supposed to have been brought downstairs […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Buys a Round of Tap Water for the Whole Bar

March 11, 2019 Andrew

LANCASTER, PA Allan Hostetler, 29, of Lancaster was feeling particularly generous at the bar last night and decided he’d order a round of tap water for the entire bar. “There were about thirty or forty […]

Unger & Thirst

Molson Drinkers Really Excited About Canada Food Guide’s Recommendation to Drink More Water

January 23, 2019 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON The new Canada Food Guide was released this week and is already causing quite the stir. The new guidelines suggest that Canadians should eat more vegetables and whole grains, while “making water your […]

Unger Conviction

Revolutionary New Mennonite Church Adds an Extra Two Ounces to Baptismal Water

July 9, 2018 Andrew

WINKLER, MB A new Mennonite church — in reality a breakaway from the old one — plans to revolutionize the way Mennonites do baptism by pouring an extra two ounces of water during the baptism. “Our […]

Unger & Thirst

Visitor to Winkler Gets Severe Case of Mennozuma’s Revenge

July 8, 2018 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Failing to heed the warnings not to drink the water, Mr. Peters of Steinbach was left with a severe case of what he described as “stomach problems” after a recent visit to Winkler. […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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