Revolutionary New Mennonite Church Adds an Extra Two Ounces to Baptismal Water


A new Mennonite church — in reality a breakaway from the old one — plans to revolutionize the way Mennonites do baptism by pouring an extra two ounces of water during the baptism.

“Our pastor is a young man, fresh out of Bible School, with a lot of innovative ideas,” said elder Henry. “For all my years the volume of water was determined by the size of the mason jars, but now we’ve got newer bigger mason jars! We’re gonna put all the other Mennonite churches in town out of business with these things.”

Meanwhile the old, more conservative churches, are sticking to the traditional volume of water.

“The amount of water to be used in a baptism is very specifically outlined in the Scriptures… somewhere…” explained Pastor Thomas. “You can’t mess with tradition like that. What if the baptism doesn’t count?”

The older Mennonite churches are also warning the new church about “over-baptism.”

“If you use too much water, it might negate the original baptism,” said Pastor Thomas. “You certainly wouldn’t want to get to the Pearly Gates and find out you can’t get in on account of having used a bit too much water.”

Elder Henry, on the other hand, from the new Mennonite church says he doesn’t want to risk not getting in on account of having used too little.

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