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Unger & Thirst

7 Liquids that Mennonites Just Can’t Resist

July 6, 2018 Andrew

Mennonites have always been landlubbers. I can’t count the number of times I’ve heard a fellow Menno complain about sushi. We’re prairie folk. We like flat fields of wheat and prefer to live nowhere near […]

Unger Suspicion

Documentary “The Shape of Water” Tells the Story of a Mennonite Woman and Her Husband Abe

March 8, 2018 Andrew

HOLLYWOOD, CA The big winner at the Oscars this year was Guillermo del Toro’s documentary The Shape of Water, which tells the tale of a passionate romance between a Mennonite woman named Helen Elias and a […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Nearly Fe’schluckes Herself

February 22, 2018 Andrew

NEUHORST, SK Although Mrs. Friesen of Neuhorst has nearly fe’schlucked herself on numerous occasions in the past, a particularly side-splitting joke at a wedding reception this weekend almost meant her demise. Unfortunately for Mrs. Friesen […]

Unger & Thirst

Conservative Mennonite Church Approves Drinking Bud Light ‘Since it’s Not Really Beer Anyway’

January 6, 2018 Andrew

JANSEN, NE A strict Mennonite church in the small town of Jansen, Nebraska has broken decades of teetotaller tradition by approving the consumption of Bud Light. At a membership meeting on Saturday, the church board […]

Unger & Thirst

Local Splash Park Offers Unique Way to Beat the Heat this Summer

July 31, 2017 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB With temperatures soaring above 30 degrees centigrade this summer, the City of Steinbach has announced a revolutionary new plan for residents to beat the heat. The city announced Monday that all the local […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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