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The Daily Bonnet

A Post that is Certain to Please Absolutely Everyone

November 11, 2017 Andrew

I’ve learned that there are certain issues that generate considerable controversy in Mennonite circles: corn syrup vs. Roger’s golden syrup, Swiss vs. Dutch, Winkler vs. Steinbach, hymns vs. crappy repetitive contemporary worship songs. However, the […]

The Daily Bonnet

Province to Enforce Demilitarized Zone Between Morden and Winkler

September 17, 2017 Andrew

WINKLER-MORDEN, MB In order to ease tensions in the region, a mile-wide demilitarized zone has been established between the twin Mennonite cities of Morden and Winkler. The Pembina Valley DMZ will act as a buffer […]

Unger Games

NFL Team to Hold ‘Conscientious Objector Appreciation Day’

September 8, 2017 Andrew

PHILADELPHIA, PA After decades of going out of their way to associate American football with the United States military, one NFL team has decided to buck that trend and honour Conscientious Objectors, including members of Mennonites, […]

Unger Suspicion

Mennonite Couple Air Their Grievances on Jerry Springer Show

July 20, 2017 Andrew

STAMFORD, CT In most cases, Mennonite couples are encouraged to work out their differences in private, or perhaps in front of a small group of elders. However, this past week, local farmers Henry and Annie […]

Unger Suspicion

United States Signs $110 Billion Weapons Deal with Random Guy on eBay

May 25, 2017 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC From tanks and planes, to missiles and atomic bombs, the United States Department of Defense recently made billions of dollars worth of high powered military equipment available to “whoever the hell wants them” on Internet […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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