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violence

Unger Suspicion

Killing People Only Way to Achieve Lasting Peace, Leaders Insist

April 8, 2026 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC It seems the so-called ceasefire in the Middle East lasted oh, about, three minutes, which world leaders claim is actually really good and just part of the plan. “The only way to achieve […]

Unger Games

Mike Tyson to Fight Mennonite Man Named Jake Pauls

November 15, 2024 Andrew

FRESNO, CA A paperwork mixup has boxing legend Mike Tyson set to square up against Fresno area farmer Jake Pauls tonight. “Yeah, when I got the note in my church mailbox, I thought, ‘oba, it […]

The Daily Bonnet

Pacifist Mennonite Woman Reluctant to Use Flyswatter

October 8, 2023 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB It’s that time of year again. Flies. Everywhere. However, for area woman Erin Stobbe, 51, the little pests are something of a blessing. “I believe in non-violence,” said Stobbe. “Who am I to […]

Unger Suspicion

James Reimer Declines to Wear ‘Violent’ San Jose Sharks Jersey

March 19, 2023 Andrew

SAN JOSE, CA Saying that the violent imagery goes against his religion, San Jose Sharks goalie James Reimer has declined to wear the team’s jersey. “It’s something that has weighed heavily on my conscience ever […]

Unger Games

Limited Edition Dutch Blitz Set to Come Prepackaged with First Aid Kit

January 30, 2023 Andrew

HARRISONBURG, VA A new limited run of special Dutch Blitz sets will come prepackaged with bandages, sterile dressings, gauze, and antiseptic wipes. “It’s about time my Dutch Blitz cards came with a first aid kit,” […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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