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violence

Unger Suspicion

New Evidence Suggests Second Amendment Was All Just Satire

February 24, 2018 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC Historians at a prominent American university have uncovered evidence that may radically alter our perception of the supposed “right to keep and bear arms.” According to recently uncovered documents, the entire Second Amendment […]

The Daily Bonnet

Dad Spares Rod, Son Not Spoiled

January 9, 2018 Andrew

GRUNTHAL, MB In a bold experimental parenting move, local Mennonite dad Tim Fehr spoke calmly with his 8-year-old son Nathaniel and explained the situation to him, rather than hauling out the belt. To the shock […]

Unger Conviction

Bench Clearing Brawl at Mennonite Church Hockey Tournament

November 15, 2017 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB A massive bench-clearing brawl involving more than twenty players, four coaches, and dozens of spectators broke out at the annual MBEM hockey tournament this weekend. The brawl was reportedly triggered after it was […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Pastor’s Peace Sermon Sparks Riot

November 14, 2017 Andrew

WATERLOO, ON Thirty people were hospitalized and there was an estimated $12 million in property damage after Reverend Hershberger preached a twenty minute sermon on the topic of peace this past Sunday. The sermon entitled, […]

The Daily Bonnet

A Post that is Certain to Please Absolutely Everyone

November 11, 2017 Andrew

I’ve learned that there are certain issues that generate considerable controversy in Mennonite circles: corn syrup vs. Roger’s golden syrup, Swiss vs. Dutch, Winkler vs. Steinbach, hymns vs. crappy repetitive contemporary worship songs. However, the […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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