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Unger Suspicion

Discovery Channel’s Documentary on ‘Pacifist Sharks’ is ‘Most Boring’ Program Ever Aired During Shark Week

July 28, 2018 Andrew

MIAMI, FL The Discovery Channel’s annual ‘Shark Week’ usually features numerous fascinating documentaries about the underwater killing machines, full of exciting decapitations and mutilations that keep audiences on the edge of their seats. This year, […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Pastor Launches String of F-Bombs in Last Sermon Before Retirement

July 25, 2018 Andrew

REIMERSFELD, SK Local Mennonite pastor, Reverend Schmidt, whose recent lotto-649 win has afforded him an early retirement, unleashed a string of f-bombs in his final sermon as head of East Reimersfeld Mennonite. “He sure let […]

Unger Games

What Every Mennonite Parent Needs to Know About ‘Fortnite’

May 10, 2018 Andrew

BY: JAKOB B. FRIESEN, CONCERNED PARENT Oba, yo! So all my children are playing this game on the television. I think it’s called ‘Fortnites’. Well, we had a meeting about it with the elders and, […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mom’s Spoon Preferred to Dad’s Belt, Survey Results Suggest

April 29, 2018 Andrew

SALEM, OR A new survey of Mennonite children and ex-children suggests a strong preference for mom’s spoon to dad’s belt during disciplinary sessions. The survey asked more than a thousand Mennonite children and two thousand […]

Unger Suspicion

Nation Shocked as Canadian NHL Team Wins Playoff Series Without Rioting

April 22, 2018 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Tens of thousands of fans lined the streets of downtown Winnipeg on Friday night to celebrate the Jets first round playoff victory over the Minnesota Wild. Jets fans bucked decades of Canadian hockey […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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