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Unger Conviction

Fight Breaks Out for Church Pew on ‘Peace Sunday’

November 10, 2019 Andrew

SASKATOON, SK West Saskatoon Mennonite Church’s Peace Sunday service was interrupted right in the middle of the responsive reading after the Wiebes came in late and demanded a spot in a pew occupied by the […]

The Daily Bonnet

Winkler-Steinbach Rivalry to Be Settled With Winner-Take-All Dutch Blitz Tournament

February 20, 2019 Andrew

ROSENORT, MB After years of bitter rivalry between the two Mennonite megalopolises, a grand Dutch Blitz tournament will forever determine who are the better Mennonites. Winkler and Steinbach will send their best Dutch Blitz players to Rosenort, […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Hunter Shoots and Eats Groundhog, No Spring This Year

February 2, 2019 Andrew

PUNXSUTAWNEY, PA A Mennonite hunter from rural Pennsylvania shot and ate an innocent little weather-forecasting groundhog yesterday, thus condemning the entire continent to perpetual winter. Mr. Yoder said the groundhog was delicious, but says he […]

Unger Conviction

Fight Breaks Out Between Winkler’s Top Two Fäasenjas 

December 14, 2018 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Two of Winkler’s most noted Fäasenjas broke out into a fist fight this Sunday at the Christmas service. They were right in the middle of “Lobt Gott Ihr Christen Allzugleich,” when Mr. Wiebe slugged […]

Unger Suspicion

Discovery Channel’s Documentary on ‘Pacifist Sharks’ is ‘Most Boring’ Program Ever Aired During Shark Week

July 28, 2018 Andrew

MIAMI, FL The Discovery Channel’s annual ‘Shark Week’ usually features numerous fascinating documentaries about the underwater killing machines, full of exciting decapitations and mutilations that keep audiences on the edge of their seats. This year, […]

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