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The Daily Bonnet

Steinbachers Elect Peter Falk as New MP

May 26, 2021 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Continuing their longstanding tradition of electing Falks and Barkmans, residents of Steinbach have resoundingly decided to send Peter Falk to Ottawa. “We were happy with Ted, but when we heard we could get […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Family Looking Forward to Delightful Illegal Gathering this Easter

April 1, 2021 Andrew

SCHRATJLIJCH, MB Plans are already in the works for a delightfully illegal Easter this year. The Hiebert family of Schratjlijch, Manitoba, for example, have been dutifully shopping, cooking, and otherwise preparing for their first illegal […]

The Daily Bonnet

Friesens Report the Reimers for Having an Illegal Gathering

March 26, 2021 Andrew

SCHNERVFELD, MB The police were present at the Reimer house to hand out dozens of fines after the Friesens ratted out the Reimers for eating paska without masks and being within six feet of an […]

The Daily Bonnet

Police Vow to Put a Stop to Mennonite Crack Problem

July 20, 2019 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Citizens of the Manitoba capital have been deeply distressed by the ever-increasing crack problem within the city’s Mennonite population this summer. The problem came to a head this week after a huge quantity […]

The Daily Bonnet

‘Acting like an idiot’: Mennonite Driver Clocked at Just 2.32 km/hr on Trans-Canada Highway

October 19, 2018 Andrew

THOMSON STATION, NS According to CBC News, a Mennonite driver vacationing in Nova Scotia this summer, was allegedly caught driving at over 2 km/h on the Trans-Canada Highway this week. “This is the fastest speed […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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