Offering Plate is Always Mysteriously Empty After it Passes By Old Mr. Klassen’s Row


Ushers at Alt-Bergfeld Mennonite Church are baffled by how utterly empty the offering plate is whenever it passes by Mr. Klassen’s row.

“We just can’t figure it out,” said Mr. Friesen. “I’ve ushered at this church for more than twenty years and we always have at least some money in there by the time it reaches the back. But, lately, all the money just up and vanishes around about the time it reaches Mr. Klassen.”

Mr. Klassen, who conveniently sits alone near the back of the sanctuary, claims to know nothing about the missing offering money and says “where it goes I just don’t know yet.”

“I know we’re supposed to be discreet,” said usher Friesen, “but once in a while my eyes wander and I know for certain that money is being put into the basket. Where it disappears to, however, is a complete mystery to me.”

On a completely unrelated note, Mr. Klassen is reportedly filing the necessary paperwork to claim tax-exempt charity status and have his name legally changed to “Alt-Bergfeld Mennonite Church” so that he can cash all the cheques he’s been accumulating.

(photo credit: bobistraveling/cc)

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