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Unger Conviction

Mennonite Man Suspended from Church for the Next 4 Sundays

June 4, 2021 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Local man Mark Siemens, 28, has been suspended from attending church for the next four Sundays after farting audibly during the prayer time last week. “We just can’t let this kind of behaviour […]

Unger Suspicion

Daily Bonnet Risks Alienating Legions of Devoted Followers in Quebec by Saying “Go Jets Go!”

June 2, 2021 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB The editorial team at the Daily Bonnet wrote their most bold and provocative message ever today after breaking journalist neutrality and declaring their allegiance with the Winnipeg Jets. “It was something that had […]

Unger Suspicion

Jets Already Down Three Games to None after Opening Faceoff

May 19, 2021 Andrew

EDMONTON, AB Just moments into the first period of game one, the Edmonton Oilers were already up three games to none on the lowly Winnipeg Jets. “Well, that wraps up the first period of play […]

Unger Suspicion

Ottawa Senators Attendance Way Up this Year

April 12, 2021 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Literally tens of people, including a few security guards and the water boy, were in attendance at the Ottawa Senators home game last week, which is their highest attendance in ages. “It’s nice […]

Unger Suspicion

John Tortorella Hires Mennonites to Shun Patrik Laine

March 12, 2021 Andrew

COLUMBUS, OH Columbus Blue Jackets head coach John Tortorella is known for his unconventional methods of motivating his players, most notably benching star players or publicly shaming them when they don’t perform. It seems he’s […]

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