Mennonite Woman Still Using the Toilet Paper She Bought Last Year


Rose Bueckert, 43, of Moose Jaw has barely even scratched the surface of all the extra absorbent Cottonelle she panic-bought at the beginning of the pandemic last year.

“It’s just like all the glassware Darren and I got at our wedding in 2001,” said Rose. “I’m still opening up boxes of unused Tom Collins glasses from two decades ago.”

Despite a bountiful supply of toilet paper, Rose is worried it’s not going to last forever.

“Once the pubs open up again and Darren starts venturing out for wing night, we’ll quickly see a decline in our supply,” said Rose. “That’s why I’m all for keeping this lockdown going as long as possible. Gotta keep our spare bedroom filled to the brim!”

Rose is also wondering why, despite the stockpile of TP, her Darren can’t replace the roll when it gets to the end.

“I don’t get it,” said Rose. “What does he even do in there? I mean, what are the odds that he’s all finished precisely at the moment he gets to the last square? Highly unlikely!”

Despite her husband’s insistence that he’s “just getting lucky” in that regard, Rose has some pretty incriminating evidence to the contrary in the laundry basket.

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