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Unger & Thirst

New Abbotsford AHL Team to Be Named the Knackzoats

June 30, 2021 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC With the announcement this week that the Vancouver Canucks AHL affiliate is moving to Abbotsford, the choice of names was an easy decision for the team. “We’ve got the Vancouver Canucks and dan […]

Unger Suspicion

Outrage in Winnipeg as Bell MTS Place Becomes Latest Victim of “Cancel Culture”

June 16, 2021 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Workers changed all the signs at Winnipeg’s downtown hockey arena last night to Canada Life Place as the Bell MTS sponsorship expired. “I was worried about the angry mobs,” said Darren Giesbrecht, who […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Man Suspended from Church for the Next 4 Sundays

June 4, 2021 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Local man Mark Siemens, 28, has been suspended from attending church for the next four Sundays after farting audibly during the prayer time last week. “We just can’t let this kind of behaviour […]

Unger Suspicion

Daily Bonnet Risks Alienating Legions of Devoted Followers in Quebec by Saying “Go Jets Go!”

June 2, 2021 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB The editorial team at the Daily Bonnet wrote their most bold and provocative message ever today after breaking journalist neutrality and declaring their allegiance with the Winnipeg Jets. “It was something that had […]

Unger Suspicion

Jets Already Down Three Games to None after Opening Faceoff

May 19, 2021 Andrew

EDMONTON, AB Just moments into the first period of game one, the Edmonton Oilers were already up three games to none on the lowly Winnipeg Jets. “Well, that wraps up the first period of play […]

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