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music

Unger Suspicion

Bargain-Hungry Mennonites Fill Arena for 50 Cent Concert

September 13, 2023 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Early estimates indicate “more than half of Winkler” is at the 50 Cent concert in Winnipeg tonight. Never wanting to pass up a bargain, even Winkler’s staunchest country fans were persuaded to take […]

Unger Suspicion

Taylor Swift Announces Massive Countrywide Tour of Toronto

August 3, 2023 Andrew

TORONTO, ON The prayers of Swifties across Canada have been answered this week after Taylor Swift announced a 6-date cross-country tour of the Rogers Centre in Toronto. “We’re sending our tunes all across the nation, […]

Unger Suspicion

Jason Aldean Releases Controversial New Song “Try That In A Small Mennonite Town”

July 22, 2023 Andrew

LAIRD, SK Following in the tradition of anti-protest-protest songs like “Oskie from Muskogee,” bro-country superstar Jason Aldean has just released a brand new song that describes the passive aggressive response one might face in a […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Pastor Enters Sanctuary Hidden in a Broom Cart

June 28, 2023 Andrew

MOUNTAIN LAKE, MN The rumours are true. Video footage confirms this week that Mountain Lake’s most popular pastor Tyler Schmidt sneaks into the sanctuary each Sunday hidden in a broom cart. “Tyleeeeer! Tyleeeer!” screamed Mountain […]

Unger Suspicion

Mennonites Flock to Nickelback Concert to Collect their 5 Cents

June 23, 2023 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB When word got out that Nickelback was in town, thousands of Mennonites flocked to the arena in Winnipeg this week to collect their refund. “I heard this is the place to get my […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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