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The Daily Bonnet

Dozens Injured as Mennonites Stampede to Pick Up Dime from Sidewalk in Downtown Steinbach

September 14, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB There was a stampede down Main Street Steinbach yesterday after a stray dime was dropped from Mr. Peters’ pocket. Dozens were hospitalized with a variety of injuries when thousands of locals clamoured to get […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Finds Money Mysteriously Left Behind on Restaurant Table

August 17, 2016 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Peter K. Barkman, 57, of the Winkler area hit the jackpot this past Tuesday as he found five quarters and a loonie inexplicably left behind on the table by previous restaurant patrons. “It’s my […]

The Daily Bonnet

Schekjbenjel Retires After 40 Years of Service

June 9, 2016 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Celebrated across the southeast for his impeccable schekjbenjeling, Klaas B. Kehler, of Altona, is set to retire later this month after a four-decade long career. Kehler was renowned for his ability to go […]

Unger Suspicion

Battle Erupts in Winkler Over Prince’s Estate

May 23, 2016 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Dozens of Mennonites throughout the Pembina Valley are desperately scouring their ancestry books to find a relation to recently departed musician Prince. “I had never heard of him before, but I just know […]

The Daily Bonnet

Matt Falk’s ‘That Mennonite Joke’ Rakes in Three Billion Dollars at the Box Office

May 19, 2016 Andrew

NIVERVILLE, MB Comedian Matt Falk’s new film That Mennonite Joke has just surpassed James Cameron’s Avatar to become the highest grossing film of all time at the global box office. After a triumphant star-studded premiere at Steinbach’s […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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