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Unger Suspicion

United States Signs $110 Billion Weapons Deal with Random Guy on eBay

May 25, 2017 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC From tanks and planes, to missiles and atomic bombs, the United States Department of Defense recently made billions of dollars worth of high powered military equipment available to “whoever the hell wants them” on Internet […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Grandmas Awarded $3 Billion in Man Bun Lawsuit

April 22, 2017 Andrew

VANCOUVER, BC After an exhausting three-month class action lawsuit, a BC patent court has ruled in favour of Mennonite Grandmas over the use of the man bun. The court awarded the Grandmas $3.2 billion in […]

Uncategorized

Albertans Gladly ‘Render Unto Notley What is Notley’s’

April 11, 2017 Andrew

EDMONTON, AB Three months after Alberta Premier Rachel Notley introduced a new carbon tax in the oil rich province, millions of Albertans have responded with unprecedented positivity that pundits have described as “remarkably Christlike.” “We’re seeing a […]

The Daily Bonnet

Local Restaurant Prefers Canoes to Mennonites

February 20, 2017 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB A local home-style restaurant has started a new marketing strategy aimed at attracting a new kind of customer: canoes. Restaurant owner Bart B. Bueckert says he much prefers canoes to his usual Mennonite clientele. […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Man Pays Tithe in Chickens

January 26, 2017 Andrew

BLUMENORT, MB Local farmer Peter Funk showed up to church this past Sunday with a pick-up truck of plucked and processed chickens ready to be thrown in the offering plate. “I was a little behind on […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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