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mcdonalds

Unger & Thirst

McDonald’s Installs New Extra Uncomfortable Furniture to Prevent Mennonite Men from Sitting Around All Day Drinking Coffee

January 7, 2024 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Area man Albert Plett, 51, smashed the record at his local McDonald’s restaurant this week by becoming the first person ever to make it through five McNuggets and a handful of fries without […]

Unger & Thirst

Stick Holding Debit Machine at Drivethru Falls Just Short of Actually Reaching Car

April 1, 2023 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC The long rod that holds the debit machine was not quite long enough to reach Mrs. Plett’s car this afternoon, forcing the frustrated fast food lover to pull over and come inside to […]

Unger & Thirst

McDonald’s is Launching Farmer Sausage Big Mac Across Canada

March 2, 2023 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC After the roaring success of the new chicken-variation on a Big Mac, McDonald’s is now looking to combine even more unconventional meats  with their signature overly soft buns and their not-so-secret sauce. “The […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Calls 911 Because Her Whopper is Not a Big Mac

February 24, 2023 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Lines at Steinbach’s brand new Burger King location snaked all the way to Winkler this afternoon, but some locals were not satisfied with what they discovered when they finally arrived at the restaurant. […]

Unger & Thirst

Despair Strikes Mennonite Man After Fruitless Search for Ketchup

January 25, 2023 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Area man Joel Berg, 43, spent more than an hour this afternoon rifling through his McDonald’s bag in search of ketchup, but, alas, it was all for naught. “I pulled over to do […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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