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Unger & Thirst

Mennonites Blame Trudeau for Slow Waffle Sauce Rollout

March 5, 2021 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Mennonites at the Winkler manor were getting cranky last night and were blaming Justin Trudeau when a full twenty minutes after the waffles arrived, some residents had not yet received their first serving […]

Unger Suspicion

Canadian Prime Minister Finally Offers Formal Apology for Nickelback

February 10, 2021 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Exactly twenty years after Nickelback’s first big hit “How You Remind Me” rose to the top of the charts around the world, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has issued a formal apology to […]

Unger & Thirst

Trudeau Hires Mennonites to Administer New $900 Million Roll Kuchen Grant Program

August 19, 2020 Andrew

PLUM COULEE, MB The Trudeau government has just announced a plan to have a few Mennonites from Plum Coulee administer a new $900 million grant program that will provide roll kuchen and syrup to eligible […]

Unger Conviction

Trudeau to Mennonite Pastors: ‘Stop Speaking So Moistly’

April 8, 2020 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Finally somebody said it. Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau told reporters today what those of us in the first few rows at church have always been thinking, “Dear Pastor Dave, please stop speaking […]

Unger Suspicion

Trudeau Grows Authentic Menno Beard

January 18, 2020 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB At meetings in Winnipeg this week, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau revealed his amazing new Menno beard. “I can’t figure it out. When we last saw him, it was barely stubble, and now he’s […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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