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Unger Suspicion

Canadians Honour Heritage of Labourious Spelling Today

September 4, 2017 Andrew

OUTTAWA, ON While our neighbours to the south take the day off today to celebrate the achievements of organized labour in a holiday known as ‘Labor Day,’ Canadians celebrate a completely different holiday called ‘Labour […]

Unger & Thirst

Pastor Shortens Sermon to Allow More Time to Eat Paska Buns

April 16, 2017 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Pastor Dave at East Winkler EBMC church decided to cut his Easter sermon short this morning in order to allow his eager parishioners more time to gorge themselves on delicious Mennonite paska buns. “I figured […]

Unger & Thirst

Irish Mennonites Celebrate St. Patrick’s Day With Green Perogies

March 17, 2017 Andrew

DUBLIN, IRELAND Ireland’s small but growing Mennonite community will be honouring St. Patrick today by dyeing all their perogies green. “We’ve adopted a lot of the Russian Mennonite customs and food,” said Pastor Abe F. […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Lives the Exact Same Day Over and Over and Over

February 2, 2017 Andrew

LA CRETE, AB Local man Henry Krahn has woken up each morning for the past thirty-five years, ate a piece of cold left-over formavorscht from the night before, stretched and said ‘oba jo‘ to no […]

Unger Suspicion

Inspired by Ukrainians, Mennonites Demand Their Own Christmas

January 7, 2017 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB People of the Orthodox faith celebrate Christmas thirteen days after other Christians. After pilfering their vareniki recipe during a century of habitation in southern Ukraine, Canadian Mennonites are now demanding that they get their own Christmas […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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