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The Daily Bonnet

Mexican Mennonite Purchases Snowmobile, Prays for White Christmas

December 15, 2018 Andrew

CUAUHTEMOC, MEXICO After his cousins Pieta and Johan extolled the virtues of a snowy white Christmas, Guillermo Krahn of Cuauhtemoc decided to purchase a snowmobile and have it shipped down to Mexico in anticipation of […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Embarks on New Career After a Weekend of Gorging on Oma’s Cooking

April 2, 2018 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON Local man Billy Fehr has decided to quit his job at the Leamington ketchup factory to pursue his lifelong dream of becoming a professional sumo wrestler. Fehr said he made his decision after […]

Unger Conviction

Martin Luther Costumes Flying Off the Shelves this Halloween

October 31, 2017 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB 500 years after the Protestant Reformation, Martin Luther has become the hottest costume this Halloween surpassing sales of Wonder Woman, Batman, and the entire cast of Game of Thrones. “Kids just seem to […]

Unger Suspicion

Canadians Honour Heritage of Labourious Spelling Today

September 4, 2017 Andrew

OUTTAWA, ON While our neighbours to the south take the day off today to celebrate the achievements of organized labour in a holiday known as ‘Labor Day,’ Canadians celebrate a completely different holiday called ‘Labour […]

Unger & Thirst

Pastor Shortens Sermon to Allow More Time to Eat Paska Buns

April 16, 2017 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Pastor Dave at East Winkler EBMC church decided to cut his Easter sermon short this morning in order to allow his eager parishioners more time to gorge themselves on delicious Mennonite paska buns. “I figured […]

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